Earlier this week the latest Welsh Barometer Poll was published (full details here), giving plenty of food for thought for each of the parties. Our resident reviewer is catching up with happenings back home, has mixed another mojito and is getting a little blurry as he flicks between the Welsh news and other channels…

Labour: Thank goodness for that. The Siege of Clwyd appears to be over. They’re only forecast to lose the Vale of Glamorgan and polls always predict that six months out. Captain Mainwaring Drakeford might have lost some of the sparkle and dropped a few points, but he’s still keeping Fortress Labour safely guarded. The new characters young Private Lee and the spiv one Private Jeremy are getting all the best lines, while Private Vaughan just keeps repeating how doomed the NHS is. You can see the strategy: “We really don’t need to do much for a ratings winner: just keep emphasising how bad the would be invaders are, and quietly rejoice enough of the Welsh people like being told what to do and what to buy. Covid is everything so let’s not do anything too exciting or challenging between now and polling day, which we might have to defer if things slip.”

Conservatives: Whatever they do or say, people are still more focused on messages from the metropolitan London than the Welsh franchise. They’ve wheeled out the Davies Dukes of Hazzard time and time again – Paul-boy, Arty and Daisy-Suze – but everyone much prefers it when Boss Hogg Boris is on the screen. It’s a slow burn, picking up TV ratings but nowhere near where they were and that big Boss locking down the borders of Hazzard County ain’t helping. This revolution needs a lot of spinning.

Plaid Cymru: How come people are talking about Torchwood more than Doctor Who? The energetic young spin off Yes Cymru is so fresh, so energetic, so stickery. And Doctor Plaid is just trapped on a planet of repetition. The writers have tried everything: being an opposition, being a sidekick of government, even being both at once. They’ve managed to make everyone that could ever support us believe the Daleks have taken over London, mercilessly destroying everything. Everyone’s talking about the future, and Doctor Plaid’s even got a serious Shadow Minister for it, but right now the script for the big season finale just isn’t punchy enough. Let’s hope they don’t have to regenerate the Doctor again next season to boost the show…

Lib Dems: The old series nearly got cancelled when most of the cast were forcibly retired. The real star survived and has a weekly slot on The Labour Show where she’s a popular and zesty. But now she’s off to the Equity Rest Home too. Without her have they got any sort of show at all?

Independent Alliance for Reform: This series concept has been floated but has no public appeal. The three ‘stars’ are competent enough actors but are they strong enough to build a whole script around? If only they could find the money to bring in a big overseas star people have at least heard of. Oh and that name is about as catchy as Florizel Street.

Abolish the Assembly: The pilot episode certainly got noticed. Smash up your telly in the company of two mismatched rag and bone men. One’s a would be sophisticate who can read and write, the other one spends his day in Spoons talking pub politics. They’ll sell anything, no matter how knackered, and the early ratings show them getting a full series with a couple of new characters. Not a show for everyone but it’s growing a niche cult following.